The Date with Gremios Girl

  • Date:
  • Venue: Gremios; Market House
  • Participant: Tinder Girl #4

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to get back into Tinder as it’s a resource I don’t feel I’ve made full use of. Obviously organically sourced produce is the most desirable, but in a competitive and saturated market, one needs to be open to aggressive acquisitions.

Upon researching the market, I stumbled across a girl whose pictures included Strongbow and Brighton, two areas of common ground. A good start I thought, and that is how I initiated takeover discussions. Negotiations went fairly smoothly and it wasn’t long until we agreed to meet in person. She also resided in Streatham, which was an added bonus and reduced the need for relocation.

So the area was set to Brixton, with a precise venue still TBC. Usually this would make me feel uncomfortable and anxious and I tend to favour having a precise and familiar plan. However, knowing Brixton as well as I know anywhere, I felt confident enough to be – say it quietly – spontaneous. I say spontaneous, but I actually had a plan of where we would go.

We arranged to meet at Brixton station at 8pm. I got there at exactly 8pm. I text her saying I was stood outside WHSmiths to avoid any confusion. This time I wasn’t too worried about recognising her – it didn’t look like there would be any misrepresentation from the pictures, and this time I had ensured that there was a full body shot, so I wouldn’t be purchasing an over inflated product.

She greeted me with a hug, an interesting first greeting I thought, but it did avoid the awkward one or two kiss dilemma (I had decided she would be a one kiss person).

“So, anywhere you fancy going?” I asked. “Market house could be a bit busy.”

“Yeah probably, I don’t mind.”

“Have you ever been to Gremio?” I asked, as if the thought had just come to my head.

“No, where’s that?”

“Oh, it’s just in the crypt of the church over there. Yeah, let’s give that a go.” I’m not sure where it was coming from, but I was being decisive for once, taking initiative as I guessed an alpha male might do. I had got myself on the front foot.

It was a short walk from the station, on which we engaged in small talk, which was surprisingly not awkward. When we arrived I knew the choice of venue was a good one – busy but not too busy, the music quiet but not too quiet. We found a nice table by one of the pillars. It was one of those fairly high tables with high stools. She took a seat, I went to the bar. She wanted wine. Good choice. Red wine. Well, not a perfect choice. So she had red, I had white.

When I got to the bar I saw that the extremely hot barmaid (who I’d seen when I was there the previous week) was working. This could be a distraction. Luckily she didn’t serve me, and I was sat facing away from the bar, so I didn’t have to worry about reigning in my wandering eyes.

I got back to the table and sat down. It was at this point that I realised the choice of table might not be ideal. She was quite tall (5ft 11ins). Whilst I am quite tall (just over 6ft I think), most of my height is contained in my legs. It appeared she was probably the opposite. My eye line was below hers. This made me feel rather emasculated. I later found out she hadn’t noticed this, but at the time I was struggling not to, trying to counter my natural slouching posture and extend my upper body.

Right, time to get to the bar. Now, as aforementioned, there’s a delightfully attractive barmaid at Gremios. I first sighted her when I was there for my sister’s birthday. On that occasion I was at the bar with one of my sister’s friends. She was quite flirtatious with me – the barmaid, not my sister’s friend, they’re all flirtatious with me. I later noted that she was the same with everyone. I was not the only one infatuated by her. My sister’s friend also couldn’t get over how hot she was.

Anyway, she served me. I tried to get a bit of banter going, but I don’t think she really understood what I was saying.

But it was time to get back to my date, rapport building over, we were ready to formerly open discussions. She absolutely loved the venue, so I had nailed this aspect of the date. We talked about the usual things. I think I was on quite good form, but nothing exceptional. So when she blurted out “I think this is the best date I’ve ever been on” I was rather taken aback. Even the favourite Leonardo DiCaprio film and favourite Ryan Gosling film conversations couldn’t deter her keenness. Somehow, with this girl, I’d found that place, that sweet place, where no matter what you say or do, fate has destined you to succeed, I was commanding this ship through the high seas.

We had a few glasses of wine in Gremios then my date was keen to have a cocktail. We went to the bar together to choose one. I let her decide. Not because I’m a gentleman, but because I don’t know much about cocktails, nor have much of a taste for them. We were served by the delightful barmaid again. Don’t do this to me. She was as flirtatious as usual. Stop it. Oh god, now I was flirting back. Control yourself. I could tell my date was a little uncomfortable with it all. Don’t let all the (not really that) hard work be negated. Relief. The situation passed and I was left relatively unscathed.

Upon returning to our seats my date started waxing lyrical about how amazing the barmaid was: “She’s so pretty.”

“Was she? I hadn’t noticed.”

Who was this delight? Where had she come from? How could she have such a devastating effect on both man and woman alike? I had one ship. She was launching a thousand.

We decided to move onto a new bar. It was a Friday night, so no time pressure. We headed towards Market House. En route we stopped off at another bar. Her choice. I’d never been there before. Suffice to say I won’t be going back. I think it’s best you leave this to me. Market House it was.

The atmosphere was ok, but not as good as it usually is, so we soon decided to move on again. This is also classic game technique: go to multiple venues on one date and it makes them feel like they’ve been with you for longer, know you better, shared more experiences. Sometimes, subconsciously, it can seem like you’re no longer on a first date.

I decided on Electric Social next. On the way we had to go by Gremios again. “Shall we pop in for another as we’re passing?” Chance to see her again. There she was. I was in command of my ship, but I was part of her armada.

By the time we got to Electric Social I think she was subconsciously on her second date with me, maybe even third. Perhaps that’s why she came back to mine. Perhaps it was the fact it was the best date she’d ever been on. “I really shouldn’t come back but I really want to”. Obviously. Deal signed.

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